The act of helping others has always been central to my life. I did my best to put others’ needs above my own, dedicating hours of study to provide comfort and care, and doing everything I could to make sure I was ready to help someone in their time of need.
This is what I was doing for the last 10 years. From getting good grades, to working in an emergency room for 4 years. Multiple MCAT attempts, 2 application cycles, a total of 8 interviews, and 5 waitlists. I was focused and determined.
In April 2021, after 3 interviews I was sitting on two waitlists, feeling bleak. When I received a rejection letter from the final school I interviewed with, I decided to continue my education through a Master’s degree at Arizona State University. I didn’t want to become stagnant, I was motivated and eager to continue moving forward in life. Although I was headed to ASU for music, I was still focused on medical school and began studying for the MCAT again, working on the application process once more, and pursuing the dream.
I was accepted to ASU and lined up a job, apartment, classes, loans, everything. 2 weeks before my MCAT retake and moving to Arizona, I unexpectedly received a seat at a medical school in Tennessee. The call came at around 3:00 pm and they asked me to decide by 5:00 pm, as they were already starting orientation and I needed to move there immediately. I faced an incredibly difficult choice and after a lot of thought, prayer, and conversation with my family I decided to turn down the offer. I was two weeks away from scoring higher on my MCAT and potentially entering medical school with my sister, meaning we could live together, study together, and succeed together. Plus, I was excited to attend ASU!
That’s how I began my second application cycle. I moved to Arizona and began studying for a Master’s in Organ Performance. I submitted my med school applications, and my secondaries, and began interviews. That wasn’t the only way I was preparing for medical school -- to complete the master’s degree I needed 32 credits. I strategically planned how I could fit all these credits in two semesters (at the end of the second semester, I completed 29 credits) so that I could finish the Master’s degree and start the MD in August.
As the year went on, I had not received a medical school acceptance yet, and was again, on four waitlists. I was frustrated. I knew that going into medicine would be challenging, and I never shied away from hard work but I began to wonder -- maybe the reason I hadn’t been accepted was that God wanted me to pursue something else. I had felt myself growing musically. I was thriving in history and research. My creativity was growing and I was excited about a dozen personal projects. I realized that while I had spent 10 years preparing for medicine, I’d also spent 20 years preparing for music. Every musical experience I’d had, culminated in this year. And so I began wondering, “Maybe I’m meant to be in music?”.
I was chatting with some trusted friends about this dilemma and my lack of med school acceptance. They said, “What about another field of medicine? You could go back for PA, nursing, physical therapy, etc…” and as they were listing options, I felt very disheartened. I realized I was not interested in other fields of medicine, which surprised me and led me to wonder: “If I wouldn’t be interested in another aspect of medicine, why am I going into it at all?”
I began a mental tug-o-war: Music or Medicine. Of course, the plan had always been to do both. To use medicine as a way to fund my musical passion. But, what was I created to do? Where would I do His work best? I wrote many pros and cons lists. I spoke with countless individuals who faced the same question I was facing. I prayed and questioned and doubted. This was stress unlike I had ever known before, a fork in a path I had thought was straight.
I said to myself: “In medicine, I will have job stability and financial security”, and a small voice would respond: “Should you not trust in the Lord for your stability and security?”
I would say: “In medicine, I’ll be able to make a difference” and a small voice would respond: “Is it not God who works through you to make a difference where He puts you?”
I would say: “In medicine, I can heal people”, and a small voice would respond: “Isn’t there more than one way to heal a person?”.
The longer I battled between the two, the tougher the decision became. Some days, I would wake up and say “If I get accepted to medical school, there’s no way I’ll say no!”, and other days I’d wake up and say “music is the only thing I want to do forever!” -- I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster with the drops getting steeper every day. As the weeks of struggle and doubt turned to months, I found myself wishing to be removed from having to make a decision. . . I told God that I would gladly put my career, life, and future in His hands so that He could make the decision for me, but for all the ways I tried to surrender myself and the decision, I was seemingly stuck in the same spot - indecision.
Some friends recommended I go see an ASU counselor due of these thoughts and anxieties. I was not suicidal, I was just struggling, hurting, and stressed. The counselor pointed out that the hardest decisions in life are between two good options. Choices equally balanced are hard to make because there are few cons, and neither of the options fully outweighs the other. If no matter what is decided, the result is good, the decision-making process becomes infinitely more difficult.
By April, I felt more strongly convicted to pursue music. I started to take more serious steps to solidify this decision, talking with my professors and colleagues about what a career in music would look like for me. However, as I became more confident in my decision for music, I received an offer to Loma Linda Biomedical Sciences, M.M.S, a one-year degree to transition into medical school. Loma Linda Medical School had been the dream, the goal. I felt successful but not excited in the way I thought I'd be . . .
I left the offer unanswered and took a few days to think. “Maybe I should take this offer, earn another Master's degree and see if I would enjoy the medical career”, I thought, “then I can decide to come back to music.” I realized that all the scenarios I created in my head ended with “. . . and then I’ll come back to music”. If it was important enough to return to it, why leave it in the first place?
Shortly after deciding not to accept the Loma Linda M.M.S I got a call from Sam Houston State University College of Osteopathic Medicine. “You’re next on our waitlist to be offered a spot at SHSU COM,” the lady on the other end of the line said. As I began to sweat about what my response would be, she continued, “however, you would need to take an additional 3-credit math course before attending in August.” I was stunned for a minute, all other schools I’d applied to required just one math class, and SHSU COM was requiring two. I couldn't believe it! I had applied and been waitlisted at SHSU COM in both cycles and at no point in those two years was I informed that I’d need another math class before attending. I had already made a decision to stay in music, but this was further confirmation that while I was capable of doing medicine (I could take that math class over the summer) I was being intentionally directed towards a career in music.
I began to shift my life and focus toward that of someone pursuing a career in music. I informed my parents of my decision, designed a personal website, and began scheming and dreaming of all my future opportunities in music. Nearly two months later, I had a final gut check in early June. I received a call from Lincoln Memorial University DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine. I had been wrapped up with something and missed the call. The voicemail said: “Hi Lindsey, this is Robin with LMU DCOM and I was calling today to offer you a seat in the class of ‘26. Congratulations, we're excited for you! If you could just give me a callback…” she continued talking but I wasn’t listening anymore. My stomach was in knots. This was the second time LMU DCOM offered me a spot, no strings attached. I knew I wanted to stay in music but turning down an offer is very hard. Years of study and effort had paid off but I felt led on a different path and I decided to follow it.
I had written in my medical school personal statement: “The time and dedication I have given to studying music have shown me that when pursuing a passion, the challenges are often the greatest reward of the process … I am excited to face challenges whose rewards lead to a fulfilling life of caring for others towards the betterment of their lives.” While it may be in a different way than I had intended in the original context, it is still a true statement.
As of today, I am still on one medical school waitlist but I am excited about my future in music. Excited, simultaneously nervous, motivated, and inspired. I don't know exactly what the future holds but, as they say, I know Who holds my future. There are all kinds of broken people in the world - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually - and my goal has always been to lead a life focused on the betterment of human lives.
And there is more than one way to heal a person.
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